Alcohol Damages Drywall

Those of you planning to imbibe this weekend, be advised: Alcohol can seriously damage your drywall. Here's 100 proof:

Here We Go

Nothing quite caps off the satisfaction of a mono-sodium- glutamate-filled meal like a completely inauthentic dessert.

Fortune cookies are an American invention. Still, you'd think, wouldn't you, that a fortune cookie might contain, oh, I don't know, an actual fortune?

Today's gem takes stupid fortunes to a whole new level. I don't even know what the name of that level is, it's so new. To whit:

Here we go. "Moo Shu Cereal" for breakfast with duck sauce.

It's as though somebody was dictating the fortune to a flunky, and the flunky didn't bother to remove the setup. I'll bet there's another fortune out there that starts with, "Oh, I've got one...".

My theory: Fortune cookies are an American invention. The company who makes them has finally outsourced the fortune-generation process to China, who employs drunken coal miners using Babelfish to pen the witticisms.

The cookies themselves? Leftover pulp from the rice paper factories, laced with almond flavor.